An $18.00 Martini? Do I Get to Keep the Barstool?
Published by Bill November 30th, 2006 in I Need a Drink.We’re your customers. That’s right, we pay your bills - so listen up. If we weren’t already dizzy from the Martini, the $18.00 tab you presented for the lone libation certainly set our heads spinning. Let’s see, with a cheapo $2.00 tip - that comes to $20.00 for a drink. We can buy an acceptable bottle of gin for 20 bucks. So what’s up with East Coast big city bars? The dramatic rise in Martini prices in New York, Washington DC, and Miami makes us want to invest in Martini futures - forget about pork bellies.
Granted, not all Gotham Martini bars and restaurants are infested with this Martini madness, but if you end up “where it’s hap-pa-nin,” then bring lots of Alexander Hamilton’s to the party.
There still are sanctuaries in the Outlands where a person can tipple a toddy for less than the price of a pair of shoes. If Martini prices were graphed from the East Coast to the West Coast, they would decline steadily from the lofty $18.00 range bottoming out at about $8.00 in the Four Corners Region just west of the Rockies and gradually climb again to max out at about $12.00 on the California Coast. So it’s obvious a bar or restaurant can charge about anything they want for a Martini.
Let’s run the numbers. Every state has its own distribution laws and alcohol tax laws, so we can only speak in generalities. If we assume that the $18.00 Martini monger is pouring the very best (most expensive) brand of booze, they still are hard pressed to pay more than $1.00 per ounce for either gin or vodka. Add in a very fancy cocktail pick at about three cents and a couple of olives at a nickel each, and the raw materials for a two-ounce Martini come to $2.13 total. That gives a $15.87 gross profit per drink. Assume the state and city want about 15% tax off the top (not all states/cities tax in this fashion), and the net profit drops to $13.35, or over 600% profit - 745% without tax.
So why would we pay someone a 700% profit for a bar drink? I can only think of two reasons:
1) We are either stupid or have taken leave of our senses.
2) We feel it’s worth it to be “where it’s hap-pa-nin.”
Google “$18.00 Martini,” and you find that $18.00 buys a “Martini Girl Tank Top” (http://www.cafepress.com/); one Olin Stubek Martini Glass (http://www.artglass-pottery.com/); a “Dotty Red Martini Pitcher” (http://www.martinimartini.com/), or what might be the salvation of all cheapskates yearning to be “where it’s hap-pa-nin.”
It makes no sense to be “where it’s hap-pa-nin’” and bottom feed on a brewski - that just won’t do. But for $18.00 we can buy a “replica drink” at http://www.leeleescreations.shoppingcartsplus.com/ (made from plastic) that looks totally real. Now we just smuggle this faux fixture into the hottest bars and restaurants around and know our image is secure while we toke all night on our $18.00 plastic Martini. When we get thirsty, we can buy a beer and swill it down out of sight in the restroom, while our “$18.00 Martini” holds our seat back at the bar/table. There’s always a way, right?
5 Responses to “An $18.00 Martini? Do I Get to Keep the Barstool?”
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But you are not taking overhead into your equation. Do you know what kind of rent or mortgage the operation must pay? How about insurance? And heating or cooling and lights and electricity for the refrigeration and ice machines that they had to buy in addition to the bar stool? And wages? (Bartenders are only the beginning: the manager has a salary, as do the servers, whoever orders the liquor, receives it, gets it into storage, gets it out when requisitioned, delivers to the bar, etc). And maintaining storage space? How about the computer system, if they have one. Don’t forget advertising. The expenses go on and on and on. Revenue and profit are two different things. And, overhead is more expensive in some locations, such as New York.
maybe they shouldn’t try to cover their whole overhead on one Martini.
One more example of “The Emperor’s New Clothes”. I will stick to wine, maybe even a glass of “the best house wine you have”! No alcoholic drink is worth $18.00. As far as being “where it’s happening”, I do not think that I want to be around a group of people so dumb that they will actually pay that price for a drink.
From a female perspective, these prices take the phrase “can I buy you a drink” to a whole new level. That’s a little more indebted than I’m comfortable with. No “hap-pa-nin” martini bars for me!
Loud mouth soup, that’s what I call martinis. When my s.o. orders a martini, I buckle my seat belt and prepare for a bumpy evening. Gin should be outlawed, and those who order $18 martinis deserve what they get.